001 Craps

never lies to someone who trust you
never trust someone who lies to you

You knew what you were doing and you knew it would hurt me, but somehow, that still didn't stop you. The only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you used to intentionally hurt someone. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

source: tumblr

Even when your heart is breaking, you should smile. And some may think that it's bad to hide your feelings, but I think that pain should only be felt for a short amount of time. Happiness should out number it every day, every way. I wonder what you're doing right now and if you're okay. I hope you are. I wonder if you have trouble sleeping 'cause you're thinking too much and if you're sad. I hope you're not. I wonder if you think of me, miss me, and also wonder. I hope you do. All I want is a place to call my own and mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone.

I wish I could smoke a million cigarettes and not eat for a week to make the people around me worry and call you and tell you that I'm not doing so fine after all. Make sense? haha

source: tumblr

And all the while I say too much of what I think, and I can't remember what it's like to find meaning in anything for the life of me. Everyone I used to know, says they don't know what I've become, but I'm still the same; not much has changed, I still know where I came from. And all I ever wanted was so far from what I need. I'll write my songs, they'll sing along, and hope time heals everything. So I looked back on us today. I don't know why I missed you, why I wanted you back.


I spent hours, days, even months of our relationship worrying about who you might leave me for because there was always someone better than me. 
It was like poison slowly seeping through
 my body, infecting every possible organ, finally
 getting to my brain, telling me that this was it. This was the end. We weren't having fun anymore, and that's what you wanted right? I knew it was over before you said it, sweetheart.

source: tumblr

Because in every relationship there comes a point when the damage is too much and no matter how good it once was, the memories can't sustain you. You have to save yourself knowing all the while it will hurt like hell. Because you can't keep giving someone everything if you get nothing in return. I still wish there was somethin' you would do or say to try and make me change my mind and stay. 

I'm the kids who trying hard to be good enough for everyone; who spend hours reading random quotes to find the right one; who listen to the same song dozens of times because the lyrics mean a lot; who deserve so much more than they get and are willing to fight for it and whose wish upon a shooting star was wasted on someone that will never care.

im not emotional =,="

till then

xoxo

Be different

Bismillah.

This lately..

Few things happen. Ada yang terkesan dalam diri, yang mungkin salah aku sendiri. Tapi aku lagi suka pandang dari beberapa cara. Satu, mungkin aku yang tak sensitif. Dua, mungkin aku tak ikhlas dalam menegur orang lain. Tiga, kita tak boleh paksa orang fikir dengan cara kita fikir. Empat, being too public mungkin tak sesuai dengan diri aku.

Matlamat hidup yang berbeza, di besarkan cara berbeza, didikan yang berbeza. Dan aku suka jadi berbeza, lain dari yang lain. Tak sama dengan yang lain. Tapi sikit pun aku tak lupa siapa aku dulu, berapa proses yang dah aku lalui, berapa stage untuk aku sampai tahap fikiran macam ni. Dan cara berfikir ini mungkin akan berubah lagi day by day..

Bukan aku tak pernah buat dosa, bukan aku tak pernah freehair, bukan aku tak pernah menipu. Bukannya aku dilahirkan terus-terus pakai tudung, terus-terus tutup semua aurat. Banyak lagi yang bukannya aku tak pernah buat. Bukannya aku datang dari sekolah agama, yang tak pernah fall in love, yang tak pernah tinggal solat. Aku pun sama macam semua, sama atau mungkin lebih teruk, maybe? So tak perlulah expect perubahan kecil ini boleh padam dosa lampau, perubahan kecil ini menjadikan aku tak ubah seperti ustazah. Perubahan ini kerana ada yang menyedarkan, kerana mak abah, kerana keluarga, kerana family dan kerana future family.

Sesetengah orang mungkin kenal aku sebagai pendiam, tapi berapa orang yang tahu betapa aku struggle dari tak berhenti bercakap untuk elakkan bercakap. Sesetengah orang yang mungkin kenal aku kononnya sebagai lemah lembut pemalu dengan lelaki, tapi berapa orang yang tahu dulu pegang ketua platun, bergaul dengan lelaki macam perempuan perempuan lain satu camp. Dan berapa orang yang tahu sejak bila dan kenapa aku mula sarkastik? 

You know my name, but not my story kan?

Dan banyak lagi yang mungkin di sangka atau tak di sangka. 

So don't expecting me too much because I'm not that much.

I'm still me, being me. How time flies and changing me and my family.

Work for your future, instead of crying about the past. Bit by bit, Lillahitaala.

Happy belated birthday to me. 23/09

Separuh masa

23 dan 25
1993 dan 1995
beza cuma dua angka
beza yang mengikat hati kita

Senyum-tawa, hujan tepi mata
cursing each other - terlalu biasa
sampai aku tak tahu erti terasa
sikit pun tak terkesan bisa

Ikatan bukan kerana terpaksa
tapi wujud kerana cinta
kerna kita hadir dari rahim yang sama

Cebisan-cebisan memori
sentiasa di hati
aku tak pernah lupa

kerna cuma kau yang aku ada
sebagai adinda aku sepenuh masa

18tahun
kau masih kekal sebagai adinda kecil aku
sampai akhir waktu
yang akan aku protect selagi aku mampu
kalau boleh dari semua kumbang-kumbang palsu
supaya kau takkan pernah rasa tertipu

previously, sama macam aku

Selamat Hari Lahir - 18

Lost World of Tambun - 373

6 July 2013

Short escape with housemates, tapi Aza tak ikut sebab dia orang negeri sembilan, orang nogori memang suka balik rumah tiap tiap minggu 😏

will be missed, always

yang pakai heels tak di kira

my fav skinny jeans, thank you daddy hhaha

kiri dan kanan, out

til then,

xoxo

180 degree of changes?

Bismillah.

Semuanya serasa tak kena. Seperti ada yang patut di reset. 

Atau mungkin ke sebab fitrah kita untuk berbuat dosa?

yang tak pernah lari dari circle. 

buat dosa, taubat, buat dosa, menyesal. 

tak pasti sampai bila.
yang pasti sangat menghantui diri.

zuhud?

cuba lagi, sekali lagi.
selagi belum mati,
masih tiada apa yang pasti.

Internship

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eyes. For those who are about to rain me with 'How's life?' question should be ready for this coming, awesome answers.

I've planned on writing this on Wednesday, but ended up writing this tonight. So with the power that I have, let’s go back to Wednesday, May 8 2013 – SEMESTER BREAK AND YAY! Internships Done! Friday ( 03 May 2013) is my last day of intern at Perbadanan Putrajaya. The last day of my internship, and it's with a heavy heart that I'm leaving. Well a mix of feelings overwhelm me, there are happy, sad, worried touched etc. I've really enjoyed my time here, and there are so many things I'm thankful for. The people I've learned from, worked with, and received advice from. What an amazing staffs, I'm going to miss them!

I'm a talkative person. I'm not naturally quiet. It just me, need few days/months to adapt and learn the new people that I met. Because they said my words sharper than knives. But few of em will understand.

So. I am a student now/again. I might not extend the semester, the new subjects that I am going to take are starting to hate/kill me. I guess I need to start getting back on track but, there is still semester break. yehaa

On my first week interning with Perbadanan Putrajaya. Making myself comfy and cozy in the office and lots of random fun stuff happens during working hours, and yes ofcourse with the free food almost everyday.

The experience for just one week feels like I've been there for a month. Everything is very fast pace and I don’t mind even working after working days at times as many others does that to as too much event held there in Putrajaya. I've been exposed to different fields and a variety of clients. Oh my, it's so tough.. I'm sure one day I'll meet these amazing people again!

Speaking of time, I think I need more of them anyhow.

Sejak internship ni, I've learned to live a double life. Sebelum ni sebagai free from the responsibilities of real world employment, student most of time. Lepas tu menjalani hidup the working like I’m employed in the real world intern. Haha. Seriously, hell tired. Too much stories to share but i don't know how to scribble the words, mungkin lama sangat tak menaip panjang. haha So here some of the photos during my internship at Perbadanan Putrajaya.

I Shouldn't Be Here.

Bismillah.

Do dreams reflect your sub-consciousness? If they do, I must be really lonely and bored. It's making my mood very sullen, and that deters me from finishing my internship final report.

Hi . Well, haha i haven't blogged in ages. It's good to know that I still have time to waste on rather than completing my final report. Oh yes I havent sleep for the whole night yesterday and I think I'm awesome because I'm still able to go for work this morning. haha

I'm still counting the days left for the end of my practical. Literally, I'm happy working here. There's a lotsa stories that I wanna share but I think now is not the perfect time. So today is Labour day and I keep thinking what about if sleep for the whole day? :3

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

Zara's and Iffah's birthday are coming soon

Kaklinda and firah just arrived from Perak. And hey, esok ada pesta buku PWTC kan? Should we rock together tomorrow? 

p/s: And for heaven’s sake, let’s all learn to have a good argument without insulting the opposing party. Yes, I’m talking to you too, Malaysian politicians. 

Till then,
xoxo