Saturday, February 15, 2020

Kepada ke(tidak)sengajaan

Aku telah membuatmu menunggu, itu bukan inginku.  
jika hati dengan mudah membukakan pintunya, 
itu juga bukan kehendakku. 

Kamu pernah berkata, 
“Gadisku… hatimu tak bisa kau paksakan, apapun jawapanmu, akan aku terima dengan lapang”. 
Sedari dari pendakian pertama, hatiku mulai yakin, menunggu bukanlah dalam kepakaranmu. Aku ingin sepertimu, yang dengan mudah membuka hati, dan mengizinkan dia untuk berada di dalamnya setelah sekian lama aku menjadi penghuni paling setia dalam lewat rahsia. 

Tapi, aku tak dapat mengatur hatiku sesuai dengan inginku. Dan kini kamu pula berada dalam persimpangan, di mana langkah kakimu pun tidak tahu akan ke mana berjalan. 

Maaf, aku telah membuatmu menunggu dengan waktu yang tak pernah aku mampu kutentukan. Kamu telah lelah menanti dan seterusnya wujud dipersimpangan dua. 

Maka aku izinkan kamu untuk pergi, 
ucapkan selamat pada dia kerana telah berhasil menggetarkan hatimu dalam waktu yang singkat. 

Dan untukmu pula, Nona. 

Telah kutahu kehadiranmu yang dalam diam sering ke sini, apakah kamu telah menemui jawapan? Apa telah kamu khatam setiap aksara, lalu mencapai konklusimu? 

Ingin aku bertanya, apakah kamu jumpa yang dicari selain makna dari penyamaran rasa ini? Kerana anak matamu telah kubaca, dan darinya telah kumaklumi, kehadirannya kini telah menjadi salah satu rutin yang kamu nanti.

Berhentilah mempersoal.

Untuk meraih perhatian dan memahaminya bukan di sini.
Aksara-aksara ini akan lebih banyak merentap kasar hatimu. 

Menjauhlah dariku.

Kerana ada banyak hal tidak akan mampu kamu singkap, 
berhentilah menjengukku,
kerana aku khuatir rasa ini tak mampu lagi aku samarkan.

Ini adalah perihal tiga,
aku harus kau lupakan,
tentang puisi selepas ini bukan lagi untukmu,
dan kerana aku kira, kisah mencintaimu mungkin telah sampai ke titik akhir.

Saturday, February 8, 2020

Thoughts

My youth had you, and yours had me. 

I had no option but to do my best and not burdening you 
is the only thing I could do for you right now. 
Even until now, I still think that I was no worthy for you. 
I thought that if I didn’t see you, then I could forget you, 
but there wasn’t a single night or a day where I didn’t miss you. 

If my sense of longing could make a sound, 
I’m sure it’d deafen your world. 
There’s a part of me that believes I can change you, 
but the reality is that I know I can’t. 
The only thing that I can change is myself, 
and only you can change yourself, but I can’t do it for you. 

Even until now, not a day goes by when I don’t wish 
I could turn back the clock and change what happened. 
Every time I turned around to leave, in my heart, 
I really wanted you to beg me not to leave you. 

However, as time passed by, while I’m learning about what you feel all these while, 
I realized, there are two types of love; 
one is possessive, 
the other is accepting and leave. 

I really want to possess you, but I couldn’t be so selfish, 
so I choose to accept and leave it. 

Months has passed, I did it.
A lifetime shall pass, I will do it.

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

An Instantaneous Journey Perak - KL

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

So I went to KL/Putrajaya again for a couple of days again 😁. I went there with ETS Train by KTMB from my hometown and direct to KL Sentral. It was a normal journey as I used to travel using ktmb since I was teen. But today was a different day and I feel like this time worth to write.

I sat beside an uncle who was travelling directly from Ipoh to KL. He talked a lot and keep mumbling because he didnt bring any jumper or blanket and it was a quite cold in the train (abah dulu pun sama, degil taknak dengar ). Thus, he had to cover himself with a towel and keep saying sorry to me as he felt like it was inappropriate to use the towel.

Started our conversation with question about my hometown, what's the biggest attraction there and I couldnt really answer the details because I do think that the biggest attraction for me in my hometown is my mom and home hahahaha. Then he started to share about the historical places all over the world. Surprisingly, this uncle, Abd Jalil, is living outside of Malaysia and he was in journey to visit his relatives in Malacca & few common places to him. I've been meeting few peoples before this who are living outside Malaysia and couldn't speak Bahasa very well (mesti ada slang and 50% campur English). But this uncle, even though living outside Malaysia for so many years, but I couldn't detect he was from outside Malaysia. FLUENT MALAY like pakcik-pakcik Melaka used to talk.

In summary, he is now 64 y/o pensioner in engineering field, married with a Spanish women and have a son and already being a Spain citizen for so many years. He did share a lot about his life and his journey / travelling experiences. Okay so for this time I lost my words since I do not have even 1% of experiences like him, jadi dengar sajalah 😂 My 2hrs+ journey used to be fill with a nap time but today had been filled with non-stop chatting with him. He is currently living in Malaga, Spain and already living outside of Malaysia since 18 years old. Guess what, he said he used to spent around 25k everytime travel / have a vacation in Malaysia.

If I'm not mistaken, he also did mentioned that he have a quite famous sister in economy field which is Dr Jorah Ramlan. I feel amazed and inspired towards his journey and he keep advising me to explore the world while I am still young (but you have to kumpul duit first lah 😂)

I forgot to ask his phone number or email or etc (because the only thing I remember to ask was about he got son or not hahahaha), but thank you Uncle for belanja-ing me Mcd and gave me a lot of new thoughts to ponder. May one day Allah put our path cross with each other again, InsyaAllah.

he gave 5 euro for me as sourveneir katanya

Sunday, December 2, 2018

Aquaria KLCC

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

1 December 2018


Short escape to Aquaria this week. As usual, using public transport since ada train direct ke KLCC. Actually untuk siapa yang plan pergi Aquaria ni, korang sepatutnya plan perjalanan, sebabnya waktu feeding fish tu berbeza-beza. Harga masuk aku tak sure, sebab ini orang belanja. hehehe Tapi depa beli online lah..

Dia punya excited tu tengok ikan besar-besar depan mata.. 😂 Tapi aku still lagi rasa takut nak pegang starfish, Tasya je berani pegang-pegang lembik-lembik. 









Lepas balik Aquaria ni, kitorang pi le apa entah yang sains sains macam pameran tu. Free je, tapi takda apa sangat pun la.. So gambar pun takda yang menarik sangat nak di sharekan.



Ini Natasya, dan color baju dan tudung adalah unplanned, sekian
Terima kasih, murah rezeki korang belanja-belanja aku macam adik kecil. 😄


Perasaan untuk share-menulis-menaip, dah tak macam dulu-dulu. Sekarang ni aku jadi sangat malas dan dah tak pandai susun ayat-ayat macam dulu-dulu.

til then,
xoxo

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

UUM Congraduation's Day!

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

With a humble heart, I would like to share that I am finally graduated with Bachelor of Accounting (Honors) from Universiti Utara Malaysia (UUM) on 14th November 2018. I can still remember that I really wanted to give up with my degree during my first semester. hahahaha 😂 hahah ❤️


Harun - the one and only
Ana ❤️
Scariest Tasha. One of my bff, top student. I would like to call her bff
even if she don't considered me as one sekalipun 😂









To both of you, as usual, no amount of thanks would suffice. ❤️



This is not the end, InsyaAllah.
❤️ 

Thursday, November 8, 2018

Quick Update: Gunung Angsi, Negeri Sembilan

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

On the weekend of 7th November 2018, I went to Gunung Angsi with my Hiking-mates (UUM). I never thought that I'm going to hiking again with them around Negeri Sembilan. I thought that Gunung Irau was our closing 'ceremony' for all of us. Thank you to my little sisters Aisya & Yani for taking me from Putrajaya to Negeri Sembilan.

These are some of our photos to feed you guys!





my little sissy, Yani & Aisya
and not to forget, our Ilia #uumkembaramate
Don't ask me how it felt, through all mountains, I keep reminded them,
I'm not ready to die. 😅

Til we meet again, 
xoxo

Thursday, October 25, 2018

USM Congraduation's Day!

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Hi, there. On 25th October 2018, it was my little sister's graduation day. Finally her efforts and all her hardworks (yeke) that she put for 4 years in her Bachelor of Science (Forensic Science) have been paid with the scroll of certificate. I wonder would she continue to pursue Master after this or doing double degree or is she ready to work already? Idk. By the way, she took her degree at USMKK Kelantan but their ceremony was held at USM Penang. So ok la for us because the thing we excited about was wanting to go jalan-jalan and spend time with family je regardless wherever the ceremony will be held does not bother us too much pun. 😂

I am the youngest among her elder sisters :)
Ilhan ❤️
❤️
can't believe how fast Iffah's growing! she looks like one of our siblings
While my graduation would be somewhere in November. Oh ya, my little sister pursuing her degree in one semester earlier than me and I pula had cut one semester from mine since I got credit transfer for few subjects. The cleverest one went for Asasi for 1 year while me and myself went for Diploma for 3 years + working after graduate in PUO thus the shortcut had made her easily to catch up on me. So that's the reason why we were able to graduate on the same year. Eventho no one asked, I would still feel very happy to share about this fact ok. 😁
please, excuse me

Don't attack me. I am 70kg already.

til then,
xoxo