Seperti sebelumnya

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seperti lewat malam sebelumnya
aku masih congakkan tentang kita
jalan penuh curiga
dan tanda tanya

seperti beberapa purnama sebelumnya
adakah kita masih sama
menyembunyikan rasa ingin
meluahkan rasa yang terikat lain

seperti sekarang dan sebelumnya
lewat bicara kita

apa mungkin selamanya
atau kekal cuma sementara

Self-sabotage

السلام عليكم

It's has been awhile since my last blogged in. I'm already done with my Diploma in Acountancy. It's really a hectic years for me. Kinda busy mingled and studied with housemates and classmates for three years haha. I'll update pictures of em' soon.  I just hope I can excel well in this semester and score with the help of Allah, my beloved abah mak, family and of course friends.

Do you ever feel you wanna something turn out just like what you currently thought? Sigh. (God, save me!) I just don't get it, how people can hide their feeling infront of family, friends and all peoples. I wanna write something, but i just don't know how and where to start on. luls

Nantilah

One single change can bring about a total change. 

001 Craps

never lies to someone who trust you
never trust someone who lies to you

You knew what you were doing and you knew it would hurt me, but somehow, that still didn't stop you. The only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you used to intentionally hurt someone. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

source: tumblr

Even when your heart is breaking, you should smile. And some may think that it's bad to hide your feelings, but I think that pain should only be felt for a short amount of time. Happiness should out number it every day, every way. I wonder what you're doing right now and if you're okay. I hope you are. I wonder if you have trouble sleeping 'cause you're thinking too much and if you're sad. I hope you're not. I wonder if you think of me, miss me, and also wonder. I hope you do. All I want is a place to call my own and mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone.

I wish I could smoke a million cigarettes and not eat for a week to make the people around me worry and call you and tell you that I'm not doing so fine after all. Make sense? haha

source: tumblr

And all the while I say too much of what I think, and I can't remember what it's like to find meaning in anything for the life of me. Everyone I used to know, says they don't know what I've become, but I'm still the same; not much has changed, I still know where I came from. And all I ever wanted was so far from what I need. I'll write my songs, they'll sing along, and hope time heals everything. So I looked back on us today. I don't know why I missed you, why I wanted you back.


I spent hours, days, even months of our relationship worrying about who you might leave me for because there was always someone better than me. 
It was like poison slowly seeping through
 my body, infecting every possible organ, finally
 getting to my brain, telling me that this was it. This was the end. We weren't having fun anymore, and that's what you wanted right? I knew it was over before you said it, sweetheart.

source: tumblr

Because in every relationship there comes a point when the damage is too much and no matter how good it once was, the memories can't sustain you. You have to save yourself knowing all the while it will hurt like hell. Because you can't keep giving someone everything if you get nothing in return. I still wish there was somethin' you would do or say to try and make me change my mind and stay. 

I'm the kids who trying hard to be good enough for everyone; who spend hours reading random quotes to find the right one; who listen to the same song dozens of times because the lyrics mean a lot; who deserve so much more than they get and are willing to fight for it and whose wish upon a shooting star was wasted on someone that will never care.

im not emotional =,="

till then

xoxo