I Shouldn't Be Here.

Bismillah.

Do dreams reflect your sub-consciousness? If they do, I must be really lonely and bored. It's making my mood very sullen, and that deters me from finishing my internship final report.

Hi . Well, haha i haven't blogged in ages. It's good to know that I still have time to waste on rather than completing my final report. Oh yes I havent sleep for the whole night yesterday and I think I'm awesome because I'm still able to go for work this morning. haha

I'm still counting the days left for the end of my practical. Literally, I'm happy working here. There's a lotsa stories that I wanna share but I think now is not the perfect time. So today is Labour day and I keep thinking what about if sleep for the whole day? :3

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

Zara's and Iffah's birthday are coming soon

Kaklinda and firah just arrived from Perak. And hey, esok ada pesta buku PWTC kan? Should we rock together tomorrow? 

p/s: And for heaven’s sake, let’s all learn to have a good argument without insulting the opposing party. Yes, I’m talking to you too, Malaysian politicians. 

Till then,
xoxo

Scares me, ex'bestfriend.

Bismillah.

It takes few months to write these.
And I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't read this.
'Unfriend' in facebook is easy. But how to unfriend from the heart?

I'm sorry for a lot of things, but most of all that I never got the chance to tell you how I truly felt about you. I can't tell you it anymore, you know, that would be awkward. So all I'm gonna say is thanks, thanks for who you are and what we had.

It’s upsetting to think that someone can, after so long, so many memories and so much love, just turn around and say, "Sorry, we aren't friend anymore." After everything they have gone through, it hurts to think about how somebody can change their mind on such a thing as their heart don't want anymore. I can’t even begin to understand the reasons behind this. I know things change and nothing lasts, but I just can’t seem to comprehend how can a feeling change, just like that, in a blink of an eye? And it scares me, so much. 

I look back on us and how we called each other best friends, funny cause in our situation the label was there but no promise attached to it's end. Our friendship was built up on a thousand smiles. i remember putting so much trust in you and you have prove me wrong, so many times you had me in tears, making up apologies cause i had no idea what i did wrong.

Sometimes you have to cry for no reason to make up for all the times you wanted to cry and didn't. If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive.

Don’t tell me that you're sorry. I’m so passed the things you say that you don't mean. And I mean it when i say, don't ever talk to me again. You hurt me. You deliberately hurt me. Put yourself in my shoes.

I looked back on us today, and I honestly don’t know why I missed you, and why I wanted you back. Sure, at the beginning we were kids rushing into things we had no idea what about, but slowly, instead of trusting you more, I trusted you less. But now I’m free, and I’m not sorry. I had to get out. I knew it was over long before you said it. And I thought you broke my heart, but you merely made it stronger, made it resilient. Of course I’ll never forget you, but there’s no way.

You thought I couldn't do this without you, but guess what, I sleep great at night now. I don't hurt because you're not here. I just had to learn to accept it and move on, and I did.

Letting go is something you do when you still love someone, but just don't believe in them anymore.

I know a lot of people know who she is, but I also know there are not that many who got to see the side of the bestfriend that I did. And that girl, well, I'll never forget her, never. I've learned so much about life and emotion from knowing her and I wouldn't change a thing about it. Your heart needs to go through some bumps like these in order to make it through. And I know no matter how many months go by, my stomach will always do a little flip whenever I see that face.

I can't believe I just gave up. I just let you drop out of my life. I tried to make you stay, then one day it got too hard and I saw what you really wanted was a life without me. So I gave up and now you're really gone. Wishes and reminiscing do nothing but make my heart break a little bit more.

Youngest Sister

Especially from abnormal kakak to my lovely adik. euww pukes pukes

Ya, entri khas buat yu. Sebab banyak ai nak bagitahu. Ai cuba ringkaskan. Untuk suggestion kat mana tempat belajar dan course untuk yu, berdasarkan pemerhatian seorang kakak terhadap potensi adiknya dalam kecekapan pembelajaran yang telah di kaji sejak yu berusia 3 tahun lagi, haha. This is short list from me. Suggestion the best course for yu. Hope it will help yu.

Arrived

Yes, finally. Alhamdulillah dah sampai dengan jayanya.

Well, since it's a three weeks break from my hectic lives as student, so I decided that I must spend some time on myself. Doing things that I love, things that I wanted to do all the while but didn’t manage to, and things that can increase your self-worth. Like reading books to feel smarter, gym to look sexier and all. But it didn’t go well as planned cause my sister bugging me to come to her house and accompany her to go to Johor since her husband's not free tomorrow. So I will wasting one week for my sister. yawnnnn

Usually i'll feel so happy and excited about being on holiday mood, but this time it is kinda spoiled by the fact that it just 3 weeks people and then im gonna start my internship. Yes, internship. I'll having internship in semester 4. Internship at age 20y/o. eh? 20 already?

Back to the main story that I'll be leaving tomorrow morning to Johor. How people, tell me howwwww i gonna stay patiently for 4 hours in the bus. sobs

keep looking outside of the bus?
with no internet connection?
phone call for 4hrs directly? it's impossible.
and what else? :'(

I wish for this upcoming few days in Johor, I will try many new things, see new people (for sure because the last time i visited Johor was when i am in primary school), learn new knowledge (what knowledge? isnt it one of my holiday?!).

Ahh.. I still can't imagine what gonna be happen there. Afterall, i still can't wait for update all pictures. XD

Till we meet again,
xoxo

Travel

Dear diaries,
This will be hard choices.

1 hour left and then I'll have a long journey. huarghhh Nasib baik naik ets, kalau naik bas, memang patah la pinggang den. Semester break baru je bermula since 24 haritu tapi cuti kali ni kejap sangattt.

Yes, I'm travelling alone today, again. From Perak to Putrajaya. Hoping for there's no robbery or kidnapper reading my blog until I arrive. haha

Make a wish and place it in your heart. 

Pardon me ?

Bismillah.

I am deleting / hiding most of my older post.

I think this is a best time to give a new life.

Because there are few new people coming into my life.

So I just need some space to make myself better.

InsyaAllah!

NEW PLACE. NEW FACE.

SAME PERSON

with the changing Iman.

LIVE. YOUR. LIFE.

Change.

Jika kita mahu tahu di manakah kita di sisi Allah SWT, maka kita patut bertanya di manakah Allah SWT di dalam hati kita?

credit: langitilahi.com

One popular saying that’s always struck me as particularly stupid and harmful is, People don’t change. Although everyone has ingrained personality traits, we aren’t held captive by them. Believing that we can’t change encourages us to accept our weaknesses. How many people with substance problems claim they aren’t capable of stopping?

Saying people can’t change is the same as saying people can’t learn. In a sense we’re always changing and always staying the same. When I compare my self of today with my self from a few years ago, I observe that I’m the same but more. I’m the same in how I think and process information but experience has changed the way I interpret everything. Yes, everything. Every day adds a new layer of character. We should anticipate aging with optimism rather than dread. As we grow old the beauty steals inward. People do change. We make every decision for the first time with no obligation to the past. If we control anything, we control our own thoughts and behavior. If can improve anything, it should be ourselves.

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

I have my own thought. Bagi aku tak perlu perli-perli perempuan yang tak bertudung atau berpakaian seksi sebagainya. Memerli dengan menegur banyak bezanya. Bagi aku, kalau nasihat tu datang dari hati yang ikhlas, pujian kita cuma sekadar "Lawa rambut rebonding awak ni, tapi mesti lagi manis kalau bertudung" pun, boleh menusuk ke dalam hati mereka. Lantas, tak mustahil untuk Allah menyelinapkan sedikit rasa keinsafan dan hidayah kepada mereka. Dan perubahan dalam diri mereka seterusnya.

Bukan aku membela mereka yang berdosa apatah lagi menyokong hamba yang ingkar suruhan-Nya. Cuma kita bukan Tuhan. Mungkin dia berdosa tapi belum tentu neraka tempatnya. Kerana mungkin ada amalnya yang Allah angkat lebih baik dan menghapuskan dosa-dosanya yang lain. Kita tak tahu hati manusia, esok lusa mungkin mereka lebih baik daripada kita. Who knows, right?

Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.

Sedang aku juga punya banyak kekurangan dan masih memperbaiki diri. Bila mana aku cuba membuka minda semua bukan bermakna ilmu di dada sudah cukup sempurna. Kerana aku juga insan biasa yang masih mencari redha-Nya. Dan kerana iman itu ada naik turunnya, tak terkecuali, aku jua. wallahualam.

Bila manusia mula ambil kerja Tuhan dengan scan-scan hati orang, meneraka dan mensyurgakan orang, maka akan berlakulah kecelaruan.

:)